This all came about when my good friend at university brought his cricket team from home up for the weekend. Being a group of horny student nurses we were all giggling over which ones we were going to call dibs on. Unfortunately out of the whole bunch, there was only one who was majorly hot, one who had something sexy about him (and it wasn't just that my friend informed me he was hung like a moose) and one who I wouldn't kick out of bed. The rest looked liked they'd had one too many cricket balls to the face. It just so happens that that very evening all three of these men ended up in my bed. Simultaneously.
After many many drinking games we ended up in my most hated night club and, after a few hours of shaking my booty and necking Jaegerbombs, I felt the pull of my bed. It just so happened that Mr Handsome and Mr Something Sexy were ready to leave too, they asked if I wanted to leave with them; me being drunk and horny assumed they meant for a menage a trois. As they saw me over think their simple question, it dawned on them what I thought they were suggesting and suddenly became very eager. We all headed for the taxi rank together and one of them collared Mr Wouldn't Kick Out of Bed and dragged him along for the ride.
Long story short after some awkwardness, we all ended up spooning in my bed. This very quickly turned into me being, as some people crudely term it, 'spit roasted'. It was all very frantic and messy. There were a lot of things going in a lot of places and some young, drunk men getting far too carried away. I distinctly remember having one their manhoods in my mouth and another one's bits in my lady parts whilst the other chap sidled over, brandishing a large ended deodorant can with his intentions clearly displayed through is far too eager grin. As you can imagine my response was "OHHHHH HEEEEE-EEELLLL NO!" He swiftly put the weapon down and slid what I assumed to be a finger in my errrrr... back passage. I'm not opposed to this sort of thing and honestly, quite enjoyed having three holes filled. I later discovered what had actually been inserted was in fact a pen torch. You may have seen these implements waved in people's eyes by doctors on crappy medical dramas. They are in fact used to perform neurological observations on patients and I happened to have an old one laying on my desk.
Since this night I cannot look at these instruments in the same way and neither can any of my friends. God forbid we get a placement on a neuro ward.
So these shenanigans continued for a while and culminated in various bodily fluids arriving on my face and hair. Joy. I don't care what anyone says, no girl can claim to actively enjoy that...
Mr Handsome left, as did Mr Wouldn't Kick Out of Bed but Mr Something Sexy asked if he could stay for a bit longer. As I hadn't had my Big O yet I happily agreed, especially as he was just as well endowed as my friend had informed me. Our solo encounter was quite brief and again culminated in his bodily fluids clogging up my pores but it left the insides of my thighs burning for days and my loins quivering for a good hour. Definitely not something you're going to hear me complaining about!
As the first two had left we made a pact not to mention it to our mutual friend, which I stupidly believed. Said friend rang me the next morning to enquire about my hangover and as I responded by explaining how achy I was, he collapsed into peals of uncontrollable laughter. I feel it would be slightly hypocritical for me to be annoyed about 'kissing and telling' unfortunately, post foursome, no one in my friend group can mention the word torch without looking like they're going to vomit. It brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'bucket list'.
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