Off topic

This post is slightly off topic but it's something that's been on my mind. If an anonymous blog isn't somewhere to get things off your chest, then where else is?
April of last year, after a long decision, I decided to break up with my boyfriend of four years. For me it felt quite sudden but, as my closest friends remind me, I had been unhappy with the relationship for a while.
We were together since the tender age of sixteen and I think this gave me a false sense of security about life in general. I never cried at films, whether they were heartbreakingly sad moments or joyously happy. I never saw why people worried about being alone because it seemed so simple to find someone and have a long term commitment. Liberating myself from that relationship, as sickening as it sounds, has opened my eyes to the world.
 I cruised along with an average kinda guy who was nice to me, took any shit I threw his way but there was never any passion. We had pretty average sex with his smaller than average size penis , we had average amounts of  fun together, we enjoyed each others company (sort of) but it was all so plain and easy. 
Since being apart I can honestly say I miss the companionship at times and the reliability of it but I couldn't be with him again. I realise now that I don't think I really loved him as much as I thought I did. I don't think that I have ever really been head over heels in love with someone. Now, I don't find that depressing. It's exciting! I have so much more ahead of me in life. So many more incredibly awful or fantastic first shags, for example. Because I have come to this realisation I've started crying like a baby at absolutely bloody everything. I've never been broody or got butterflies at rom-coms but it's like this external shell has been cracked. I can see everything that was so wrong in my so-called long term relationship and the thought of all these amazing opportunities and feelings I can experience gets me crying rivers. Don't get me wrong, I would never wish anything bad upon him and I harbour no resentment; I genuinely want him to get everything he wants in life. BUT I'm happy and it's because I took myself out of that relationship which sucked all the ambition and purpose out of my life. I was settling. 
You may ask why I'm banging on about crying at films but honestly, this was a EUREKA moment for me. I always wondered why I was so cold hearted about everything that didn't have a furry creature get maimed in it. 
Please excuse my ramblings but it feels so good to put pen to paper, so to speak. I can't wait for whatever gets thrown at me next whether it's a rich, handsome doctor or even an STD. Whatever it is will be more exciting than the last four and half years of my life.